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photography6.jpgThe mid part of your life can seem turbulent, unsettling and events can make you feel like you have lost control of what you once knew as safety. The midlife is like an energetic pull that is leading you to question who you are and to reconnect to your passions, your values and to start following a path that is more fulfilling than the trodden path you have been choosing up to this point of your life. If the time is grabbed as the wonderful opportunity it is, you can end up living a more abundant and meaningful life.

To avoid missing out on this amazing opportunity for personal growth and happiness, there are 5 common mistakes you need to avoid.

Numbing the pain

The strength of feeling at this time can be overpowering. Feelings of guilt, boredom, loss and loneliness can takeover your senses. Many people, scared of these feelings, try to numb them with alcohol, prescription medication, overeating or over exercising. Other ways of ignoring the rising feelings and thoughts are keeping unnecessarily busy, obsessed by social media, shopping and online mania. The aim is to stop the rising emotions and silence the thoughts because they are scary and can make you feel guilty. Give yourself the permission to learn that your feelings are there as a signpost for you to start hearing your Self. When the alcohol has cleared from your system, the long distance run has finished or it’s time to start stopping your prescription, those needs and passions are still there – possibly shouting louder and getting more desperate. A good question to ask yourself is ‘Can I spend the next 40 years in this cycle or do I want to get through to the other side?’

Holding onto what was and not looking into the future

Admitting to yourself that something in your life has to alter for you to have greater meaning is one thing. Letting go of the beliefs and assumptions you have grabbed hold of over the past 20 years is another thing completely. Your midlife often brings the realisation that the choices you have made have not brought you the happiness that society and family influence had promised you. To let go of some of these assumptions and to replace them with what is right for YOU can seem intimidating, but the always provides more abundance in your life.

Believing that the disruption in your life is because you have failed

Maybe you are questioning your career choices, your relationship or the lifestyle you have created. Your health and wellbeing might become your focus. Possibly you have shame, guilt and a sense of failure that the choices you have made are the things you so desperately want to remove from your life. If this is how you feel, there is a wonderful statement that I would love you to write out and place on your fridge. ‘There is no such thing as failure – just feedback.’ You hopefully have another few decades ahead of you. You are lucky because you have experienced life, you have learned what you don’t want, which is a great way to work out what you do want. And sometimes, just by listening to what your soul is trying to tell you, only a small change has to happen to get more meaning in your life. As you alter how you express and live your life, the people around you naturally change as well.

Not facing your fears and passions due to wanting to protect the others in your life

During midlife, you probably have responsibilities such as children, a home, relationship and a job. So of course you worry about how any change you make will impact the people close to you. The amazing thing is, that the more meaning and fulfillment you have in your own life, the greater the positive impact you can have on others. When you are unhappy, lost and anxious, your relationships will become a battleground, fuelled by underlying resentments and emptiness. Your children learn to love themselves by watching you loving yourself; your relationships become more honest and you find out who truly deserves to share your life. Of course, some relationships struggle with the changes, but no one has the right to overshadow who you are and your potential.

Looking to someone or something to bring fulfillment and meaning back into your life.

You can often be so busy trying to gain control of the things you can’t control in life, such as believing the responsibility of your happiness is in the hands of another, it is easy to miss the truth that you are responsible for creating the meaning and fulfillment for yourself. The exciting message here is, that once you realise that when you understand what you need, and then have the courage to act on it, anxiety, neurosis and fear starts to flow away. To put the control onto something outside of you leads to instability and a lack of self confidence. To know you have all that you need to be the best you can is so empowering and wonderful. So, as a little exercise for you to do, when those thoughts and feelings start rising, go inside and ask yourself ‘What do I need to live a fulfilled and meaningful life?’. Give enough time to hear your answer. If this is too difficult on your own, get help from a good friend, a therapist or a support group. But know these people aren’t there to give you the answer, but to offer you the space to hear the answer for yourself.

Want to learn more about how you can embrace your transition and make it your Midlife Revolution? Join other like minded women in the transformational one day event. Tickets are limited and selling fast. So make sure you don’t miss out on your chance to revolutionise your life! Find out more about the event and purchase you tickets here.

I wish you well

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About the author
Giselle Monbiot is a therapist, inspirational coach, mum of 3, speaker and a writer. And a lover of life!!

 

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