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butterflyFrom the outside, it looks like every thing is the same. You wake up, go to work, you cook. You follow your every day as normal. You meet the same people, have the same conversations, sit in the same chair. But something deep within you is trying to claw its way out. It can feel like a mild depression or anxiety which follows you around during the day- it might wake you up in the middle of the night as the sense of fear and despair cannot be avoided in the dark hours of night. And over time, it can grow stronger, desperately wanting to be seen and heard.

At these times, when you feel that feeling rising, you might want to walk out of the door, leaving your family far behind. You might fantasise yourself catching a plane to lie on a tropical beach far from home. Possibly, you dream of storming into your boss’s office slamming your resignation down in front of her, shouting every grievance you have ever thought about her and her company. But then you remember you need to pay the mortgage so have to get another job before leaving this one; you can’t catch a plane because you would have to organise childcare and do a food shop before you leave. Oh and you’re meeting Auntie Margaret on Friday!

Want to find out how to transform your turmoil to feel like Wonder Woman? Book here!

It can feel scary, lonely and very confusing. But once you understand what is happening within you, you might start to recognise that the feeling is not something to be scared of, but something to face and listen to. At Midlife, it is as though some greater energetic pull is enabling you to recognise what you need to enhance within your life and what is serving you no purpose anymore.

Midlife is a time when any coping mechanisms and assumptions you built around yourself to protect yourself, start to unwind and slowly crumble around your feet. It is a time to stop putting other people’s concerns and needs before your own happiness and needs, and to start understanding what it is that YOU want from life. For some, it seems like a bolt out of the blue; for others they realise that it is gradually rising from within. It can feel like a you are unravelling and no matter how much you want to control it and put the brakes on, nothing you do can stop it. It can be called a Midlife Crisis, but when you realise that this has been something that has been slowing unravelling within you for some time, you recognise this is something that cannot be ignored. And when faced, you realise that it is not a Midlife Crisis but a Midlife Revolution. A revolution to rewrite your life to one of increased fulfillment and meaning.

As children we learn coping mechanisms to survive, protect and to function within the environment we grow up in. The irony is the lessons we learn to keep us surviving through childhood, start having the opposite effect as grow up and overflows at Midlife. And the further the learnings have taken you from being fulfilled and having meaning in your life, the greater the impact the Midlife Transition can have within yourself. Maybe, you have been a people pleaser, having learned from a young age that you need to please others to get approval. Midlife is your time to learn how to please yourself and learn what it is you want from life. Possibly, you have followed the path that career progression is the way to happiness to find the goal has only increased the void within yourself. Midlife is your opportunity to work out how to fill that void and what is the actual way for you find meaning. Maybe your belief of lacking self worth has left you in an unsatisfactory and loveless relationship. Midlife is a time to learn to love yourself.

To go through it is a bit like a rebirth. There can be a lot of upheaval that can feel like a lot of turmoil filled with guilt and fear. This is a time when many will fight what they know deep within them needs doing. Some people make the choice to not face what it is they are needing. This can result in an underlying apathy in their lives – that awareness they have chosen the lesser road. Life can then be one of mild depression and discontent. For others, who ignore the rising waves from within, might need to experience a big crisis or trauma to fully awaken themselves to the changes they need to make, such as the breakdown of their relationship; the loss of their parent, a redundancy or a health scare. Others will grab the time with all their strength and go for it.

It can be a time when huge changes are needed to be made; sometimes only minor alterations are enough to satisfy the soul. It is something you need to go through as opposed to go around. And that is intimidating isn’t it? You need support, self understanding and ways to ride through it effectively.

Time is starting to run out. There are many adventures to be had. Opportunities to grab. And meaning to seek. So when you feel that fear rising as your soul starts speaking to you, tell yourself that to grab it with courage is the greatest gift you can offer yourself. And to start that journey learning to love yourself is the ultimate journey of discovery. Because once you connect into your self worth and love the choices and decisions you start to make become clearer and more courageous.

Want to find out more about the powerful Midlife Revolution and how to make the most from your Midlife, come to my one day event where you can see me speak about this wonderful subject. Learn what is happening to you; why this is too important to ignore and work out what your personal revolution looks like. Book your ticket today!

About Giselle Monbiot – mum of 3, therapist and coach. Writer, speaker and fellow midlife traveller.

 

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